Joke, Jokes, Joker

This is a very strange world. Innocent people are thought to be mad but nobody thinks the real culprits are mad. Adolf Hitler killed many people -- but nobody thought that he was mad while he ruled Germany. Politicians, power-addicted people, money-mad people -- nobody thinks that they are mad. But if somebody sitting under a tree starts laughing for no reason at all you think he is mad. He is not doing any harm to anybody. And he may have some reason to laugh which may not be apparent to you.

And, finally, what is WRONG if somebody laughs without any reason? Why is a reason needed to laugh? A reason is needed to be miserable; to be happy no reason is needed. Happiness should be natural -- for no reason. It should be bubbling up. One should be radiant, in tremendous joy, for no reason at all.
OSHO
Tao: The Pathless Path, Vol-2, Chapter-5

1. On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will $be fined 20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

2. With a pile of 300 resumes on his desk and a need to pick someone quickly, the boss told his assistant to make calls on the bottom 50 and toss the rest.

"Throw away 250 resumes?"asked the assistant, shocked, "What if the best candidates are in there?"

"You have a point," he said. "But then again, I don't need people with bad luck here."

3. Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs. Neely, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," She replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

Ninety-eight," she replied.

The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

"Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, "I outlived the bitches."

4. Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:

"John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

John says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

5. The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges.

On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning.

At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"

"Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously.

Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."

6. Eight-year-old Anita brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good... mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom:

"Anita is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Anita's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:

"Please let me know if your idea works on Anita because I would like to try it out on her mother."

7. A girl came back home from the school and asked her grandmother, "Granny, what is a lover ?"

"A lover!!" the grandmother said. "Let me think. Lov... Lover... Oh, my God!"

She rushed to the wall, pulled aside the hanging rug, revealing a hidden closet door.

She unlocked the door, and a skeleton of a young man fell out from the closet.