G.U.R.U. - The book Chapter 1 part 1

Chapter 1

The search for "It"

We're all searching for something….whether it's Mr. or Mrs. Right, butt loads of cash, the hottest wheels on the road, CEO status, supermodel legs….or ultimate orgasm! We may be looking for the wildest, craziest, most happening party scene or just a simple, quiet life! Whether we know it or not, we're all chasing something. I mean, how many people do you know who can honestly say, "I don't want anything!" Huh? Any? So, if we could boil down our search to just one word, what would it be? Love? Peace? Happiness? Security? Fulfilment? Perfection? Home? It?

See, the strange thing is, we all know there's something more, only we don't know quite what it is or quite where to look! Some of us think we do know what we want, only to discover once it lands on our doorstep, that "that's not really it either!" And, although we all seem to be following different goals and pursuits, we're ultimately all searching for that same mysterious, elusive thing, call it what you like! Only we're all searching in different ways, peeking round different corners and traveling at different speeds! Some of us are just casually wandering through life, turning over the odd stone every now and then to see what's underneath, while others of us are on a single-pointed "mission", and are madly ripping the place apart, diving into every nook and cranny. I guess those of us who aren't really bothered will just take the slow boat to China, while those of us who are really desperate will leap on the Orient Express. But either way, we're all searching for the answer to a question we don't even know! Well, that question is "Who are you?" and the answer is "you are already you!"

So why, you might ask, is there any point searching for something we already are? I mean, how dumb is that? And I would have to agree with you, only just because we've read something is so, doesn't mean we know it is so, and there's a whole Kilamanjaro of difference in that! And why, we might also ask, is this searching business all so arduous and mysterious? Well, it's not actually, it just appears that way. Paradoxically, coming to know U are U, is the hardest yet simplest thing you will ever do. I guess it's like long jump, the run-up itself takes a bit of effort, but once you're in the air - it's pretty much plain sailing!

Ironically, the search only seems difficult because we're not used to doing simple things! Looking for who we are is like a fish in the ocean looking for water. It's like looking for our own eyes. It's like shining a lamp in a cave and looking for the light! It's there, right there, and we know it's there, only somehow we just can't find it! Why? Because we're wearing dark glasses, because we have a filter over our eyes which stops us from seeing clearly what's right under our nose, and this filter is our very own mind and our thinking. As long as we think we know who we are, we won't be able to recognize who we are!

Essentially, until we know who we are, we will continue searching. Until our belly is full, we will remain hungry. Until we have the answers to the questions, "What is life?", "What is death?" and "Why on earth am I here?" we will keep questioning. Only when we are found, will the questions disappear and the answers with them! The fish in the sea is not thirsty and the real you is not hungry either!

Gee, you are you!

Gee, you are you! Sounds very simple, sounds very cute… but what exactly does it mean? Well, it took me over 60 years to get to this very moment where I can say, it means "you are already you!" You are already it, you are already enough! There's nowhere to go, nothing to do and no one to become! You are already absolutely perfect and complete as you are, only you don't know it yet!

See, the good news is that coming to know U, is not about creating, building or becoming someone new. It's not about changing, improving or healing yourself. You don't need to trade in the old U for a new U, because you're not "this U" OR "that U", you're both "U AND U"! All you need do is open your eyes and wake up to the true U! In fact, the journey home, is not about doing anything, it's about undoing everything you've already done! It's about getting off the train of thinking, trying and becoming, dropping all your mental baggage, stripping off all those layers of ideas that aren't really you, and finally getting naked!

And, the really great thing is, when you know who you are, you know who everyone else is too! When you see your own hot buttons, you see everyone else's too! Then you know, there is no problem I have, that you don't have too! Sure, we're all unique, got different main frames, CPU's and different wiring, so to speak, but fundamentally we're all the same machine! So, if I'm already me, then you must be already you!

G.U.R.U!

"Gee you are you" in American, spells G.U.R.U! What can I say? That's what we Americans do, we shorten everything and speed everything up! I call it fast-food writing, whether it's BFE, SOL or AFU! But anyway, we've all heard the word and bought the T-shirt, but what exactly is a guru?

The dictionary says it's a religious or spiritual leader or teacher. That's cool, only I like to think of a guru as any teacher or guide, anyone we meet on our life journey, since everyone and everything is spiritual anyway! Parents are our gurus, brothers and sisters are our gurus, lovers are our gurus, friends are our gurus and even our enemies are our gurus! Even "things" can be our gurus! Like the internet, for example, when it's crawling along slower than a slug, that's when I think I should maybe have more patience. I mean, really when you look at it, isn't everything teaching us something? In fact, the whole of existence is our guru; it's like one almighty Zen stick which just keeps whacking us over the head… until we wake up and smell the coffee!

Anyway, this book is not about finding a guru or me being your guru, it's about learning from the guru of life itself! Indeed, existence maybe the purest guru of all, as it leaves you to your own devices and doesn't tell you what to do, then conveniently highlights the consequences of your actions and gently points the way through! No, I am not a god or a guru, I'm just little 'ol me, sharing with little 'ol U, pointing to the big 'ol U beyond! And if you really must pin a label on me, then consider me a "friend" who is only too aware of the trials and tribulations of life!

Yeah! G.U.R.U is a book about YOU! I know at times, it may seem to be about me, but I'm only using me to illustrate you, and ultimately of course, there's no me and there's no you! See, my thinking is, if I can show you who I am, then maybe I can show you who you are! Then once you get clear about you and start seeing the cosmic joke, then we can have a good old laugh together!

Gee I am me!

By now, you're probably wondering, who is this Krishna Prem guy, and why is he qualified to tell me about me? So, let me introduce you to "gee, I am me!" Right from day one on planet earth, I was a seeker and a rebel. I felt I was searching for something and I felt I was different, different not only from all the other kids I knew, but different also from even my own brothers and sisters! I don't know, maybe everyone feels that way? But I definitely felt odd, like some kind of mis-fit! Maybe it was because I was the youngest of six children and my parents were much older than my friends' parents, although I had a pretty normal kind of name - "Michael".

I remember my elder sister wanted to get married but my mother, who was pregnant with me at the time, said to her embarrassingly, "Could you at least wait until Michael is born?" So I was born into a family with a sister who was 20 years older than me and a mother who was 20 years older than her. Immediately after I was born, my elder sister got married and went off to live her own life, while my mother found out she had breast cancer and became aware that she was going to die.

So there I was, a 1-year-old baby when my mother died, and so my older sister, Phyllis, took all the responsibility of raising me. Of course, I don't have any memories of my birth mother, but I do have many memories of my sister, whom I called "Mom", and my wonderful loving relationship with her. But from my belly, even as a baby, even though I loved her like a mother, I knew she wasn't my real mother. My father, who was a wealthy man in a small town, basically a big fish in a small pond, insisted that my sister-mother stayed at home and didn't go out to work, so she could cultivate a good relationship with me. So, you can see how quirky the situation was; my father was my father, my mother was my sister, but my mother was also the daughter of my father! And of course, because my "parents" weren't husband and wife, they didn't behave like husband and wife, so when the going got rough, which happened a lot, they never kissed and made up or let off steam through sex!

So, even though I had a comfortable childhood, I didn't have a normal upbringing and even though, I felt a certain love and caring from my sister-mother, I didn't feel that unconditional love and acceptance that only a mother knows how to give. Then when I was aged 9, my father died, and I remember feeling a tremendous sense of relief that he wasn't going to be around anymore, and that now I could be alone with my sister-mother. My father and I had never really been close, and I think it was basically because he was trying so hard to not get in the way. But I do recall he would often look me in the eye and say, "Someday, I'm going to teach you everything I know!" That day never came.

It was only years and years later, that I thought, "My god! Perhaps, I shouldn't have been so happy about not having parents!" Maybe other kids would have felt really upset about not having their parents around, but for me it felt somehow OK. Perhaps, that's why I always thought of myself as a little strange, as a bit of a madman, because somehow I always seemed to do everything backwards in life, always seemed to look at things upside-down. I was always laughing when others were crying or seeing the humour in something quite dark. And I think, that's why I started questioning life so early and why I went on this search!

School sucks!

As I say, right from early childhood, I was curious about life! I was always asking questions about where I came from and where everyone else came from too, for that matter. I recall when I was 13 years old, the local Rabbi kept telling me that God was Jewish, that he was Jewish and that I, Michael, was Jewish too! And instead of just saying "yes" and keeping quiet, I kept on asking him back, "but who was God, before he became God? But who were you, before you became a Rabbi?" And bi-passing my questions completely, he used to answer, "That's none of your business! Just, get a good education, become a lawyer and marry a nice Jewish girl!" And even though I didn't like his line at all, you can see, that just by trotting off to business school, I was already biting the bullet!

So, I went and "got a good education", did the BSc thing and duly graduated from business school. I did the whole fandango, but my god, it wasn't me. I mean, I just wasn't interested in how the world began or the signing of the Magna Carta in the year 1512 or was it 1215? (I have to check that!) I wasn't interested in what happened hundreds or thousands or millions of years ago. I didn't care about 16th century period dress or what the dinosaurs ate for lunch. I was only interested in where I came from and who I was! Deep down, I thought that everyone else was too. Don't get me wrong, I don't think education is a bad thing, I think it's only natural to want to learn about all the weird and wonderful things in the world, and it's only natural to want to learn about ourselves too!

So, my way of dealing with my "education problem", my weight problem and my teeth-grinding, was to just pop a few diet pills in my mouth, go for long walks, and contemplate life! But, the questioning didn't go away. No, the search didn't stop, it just went on and on, for years and years!

Becoming an official seeker!

I remember when I was 28 years old I left for London to be a legal drug dealer, I became a bartender for 2 years before I going to India. I didn't say a word to my family about going more East. Even going to Europe was a big risk in their eyes. So while I was in India, I would write postcards as if I was in London or Paris. I would then find someone who was actually going there, to send them home to my family, just so they wouldn't get worried or nervous. But I'll never forget when I returned to America a year later, having been initiated into meditation by an enlightened master, stony-broke and needing to make some money to stay alive!

So, there I stood on my sister-mother's doorstep, wearing orange pajamas and a string of wooden beads round my neck (which was what all disciples of Osho were wearing at that time), a beard to my knees, wild, crazy hair and my eyes aglow, looking thousands of years old - basically unrecognizable to the real world. Shitting in my pants, I rang the front door bell. When my mother opened the door, she first looked me up and down and then said "I always knew this was going to happen to you!"

This is, I imagine, what all parents say when they have a strong feeling about how their kids are going to turn out! And there I was, thinking it was going to be such a shock for her, but it wasn't, it wasn't shocking at all. You know, it's pretty hard to fool your mother. Besides, she'd always known that I wasn't interested in material things and that the only thing I'd ever been curious about was who I was and where I'd come from. In a strange way, I loved what she said to me, because it meant she really knew me.

So, as you can see, I was always more focused on the big picture, on existence itself, rather than the little, local me. Somehow, I had always known that there was more to life than met the eye. Somehow, unlike my father who had been happy with his little pond, I had always felt there was a much bigger pond to swim in. And I share this with you, not because you need to "do what I did", suddenly drop everything and go to India to find a guru, although the truth be told, you don't find them, they find you! No, that's what I did, that's what I needed, but maybe you need something different? Maybe what you need is to crawl around on the ground like a small child and just explore everything as if it's brand new. Or maybe what you need is five years of full-on therapy, or to visit the oldest, longest beard in the Himalayas and ask him to share the mysteries of the universe with you? I don't know! Only you know what you need, only you know what works for you!

Like I say, I'm not encouraging you to be a weirdo or a drop-out, just to step back a little from your everyday world and question life itself and who you really are! You don't have to do 30 years in India to do that, you can do it sitting in your armchair! You don't have to have a guru to do that, just an open mind and a sense of humor! Yeah, we're all heading out and we're all heading home,

And although we're all traveling in different trains, we're all going to end up in the same railway station!

Tie up your own camel!

My master once told me, and I love it, "My head on my shoulders is a great idea. My head on your shoulders is a very bad idea." In other words, whatever I say is for me and needs to be lived by me, and doesn't automatically apply to you. I'm sharing this with you, because I've been round the block a few times and I've picked up some useful insights into life, which may help you along the way and save you some time! But it's up to you to decide whether to pick up and play with what I say or throw it away. Go on, try my shoes on and take a walk in them! Even if they're not your size, they're not gonna ruin your feet! Play with these ideas and find out which ones work and which ones don't! Surely, some 60 year old dude, whose spent 30 years in India, must have something useful to say?

But, decide for yourself what's good for you! Don't rely on me or others to tell you what to do! Respond to your own life and go with what you feel attracted to, regardless of how crazy it may seem! I think it was Buddha who said, "Be a light unto yourself," and I know it was Osho who said, "Be a joke unto yourself!" Yes! Following your own light and taking responsibility is the way to go!

That reminds me of a beautiful Sufi story. It's about a gentleman who is praying to God and while he is praying to God his camel runs away. So he complains to God, "Look, here I am praying to you and my camel runs away." And God replied, "So tie up your camel first and then pray!" In other words, don't blame me for your actions and choices, take responsibility for your own life. I can't live your life for you, you can't live your life for me. We all have to tie up our own camels!

What's your story… morning glory?

Well, that's enough about me, what about you? What's your story…morning glory? Come on, everyone has a story! Probably it runs along the same lines as mine. "Born in 19 hundred and something, raised in Marblehead, Massachusetts, went to Gremlin High, loved baseball, hated Math, got laid, got a job, got married … and so on and so forth!" Well, that's just the basic outline!

Add to that all your individual good and bad luck stories, your juicy dramas, fascinating coincidences and passionate encounters, and you too have a unique and incredible tale to tell!

And like me, you've probably told your story a gazillion times or so, at least, mainly to unsuspecting victims at parties! And like me, you have probably spiced up your story a bit, by adding in a few extra details here and taking out a few extra details there, just to make it more exciting and entertaining! Don't worry! We all do it!

And, I used to compare my story with other people's stories and I used to think, "my god, poor Michael!" until I realized that it's not like everyone else had the same warm, fuzzy story apart from me! Sure, we all get a different kick-start in life; some of us get off the blocks smoothly and some of us trip over at the starting line! We're all having different experiences and leading different lives. There isn't a normal person, normal family or normal life out there. Everyone's life journey is totally unique! Even identical twins, born of the same egg, brought up by the same parents in the same family, in the same home, have different perspectives, experiences, stories and lives, and if you really get close, they even have slightly different appearances too! Yes! I guess we're all a little odd!

An elephant asks a camel, "Why are your breasts on your back?"

"Well," says the camel, "I think that's a bit of a strange question coming from someone whose dick is on his face!"

But ultimately whether our life stories are different or the same doesn't really matter. The question is… "Is my life story me?" "Is your life story you?" I mean, isn't that ongoing tale we tell and update each year, really just data we have gathered together about ourselves? And if that's the case, then "Who am I?" and "Who are you?"

Who am I? Who are you?

Have you ever stopped to question who you really are? What did you come up with? Some definite ideas, vague feelings or maybe just some good old plain "don't knows"? You know, there's nothing wrong with "don't knows"! In fact, "don't know" is a really great place to start, because when you already think you know, you're not open to learning anything new. When you've already got it all sussed, no one can tell you anything! And when you already think you know who you are, you're not open to searching for the true U! I like that line, "Those of you who think you know, piss off those of us who do!"

So anyway, "don't knows" are great! I know they always get a bad press out in the world, because doubt, especially self-doubt, isn't the in-thing at all, what with everyone out there raving on about self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem! But look at it again! A doubt is just a question. Doubting is just enquiring, which in terms of searching for U, is really healthy and useful! In fact, doubt or enquiry is what the whole scientific process is built on. Science basically enquires and enquires until it finds out what's true. And as much as we might think the search is all about trusting, trusting, trusting, which is certainly part of it, it does in fact involve a lot of questioning, enquiring and investigating. Indeed, it begins with a seed of doubt in our mind, with a nagging question, whether it be, "Who am I", "What am I doing here?" or "What is true?" I think it was Osho who said, "do not repress doubt, but go into it, doubt, doubt, doubt until you find the indubitable!"

Who do you think you are? 

"Who do you think you are?" Sounds rude doesn't it? Probably because we imagine some buxom woman with her hands on her hips shouting it out in a frighteningly loud voice! But what I'm trying to get at here, is that when we ask that question, what thoughts spring to mind? "I'm a man", "I'm a woman", "I'm nice", "I'm wicked", "I'm sexy"! That's the point, whatever we come up with, comes from our mind and our thinking. We use our minds to define who we are. We think, analyze, imagine and invent who we are, rather than putting our thoughts aside and seeing who is already there!

See, there's a big difference between thinking and knowing who we are! Thinking involves actively using the mind and having thoughts, while knowing involves putting the mind aside and having no thoughts! How can I explain it? I guess, it's the difference between thinking about the taste of coffee and actually tasting it! Say for example, you've never tasted coffee before. You could try and imagine what it tastes like, from the smell of it or the look of it, or you could ask someone to try and describe it to you. However, imagining the flavor is just not the same as actually putting your lips to the liquid and actually tasting it!

In a nutshell, thinking about who you are, isn't the same as knowing who you are, and when you know who you are, you just can't describe it to anybody! You can only hint and point and hope! So, before U can know U, we first need to take a peek at who you "think you are!"

When someone asks "Who are you?"… what do you say?

When someone asks us "who are you?" what do we say? I guess to some degree, it depends on the circumstances! I mean, we're someone's friend if it gets us in the door and we're not someone's friend if it keeps us out! We're Joe's brother if Joe is a super-cool guy and we don't even know Joe if he's a total nerd! We chop and change our story depending on what works for us at the time. It's normal, sexy and fun! Everyone does it!

But generally when someone asks us "who are you?", nine times out of ten, we just say our name! We automatically come out with, "I'm John!", "I'm Jim!" or "I'm Jane!" or "My name is Zoe and this is my brother - Xavier!" God! It's like we're on auto-pilot! It's out of our mouths before we've even thought about it, because it's what we've been taught to believe and trained to say! It's like when someone asks "How are you?" we automatically reply "Fine! Thank you!" whether we are or not. And it's the same when an interviewer says, "So, tell me about yourself", and we reply, "Well, I'm 21 years old and I went to school at da-di-da and I graduated in '96…" and then we whittle on about what we've done and how perfect we are for the job….while the interviewer just sits back and yawns!

And it's OK! It's what we're expected to do in social situations, respond normally like other people! Our name and where we're from is our bus ticket into society. I mean it just doesn't look good if someone asks us who we are or how we're doing, and we answer, "Hmm, well, er, I don't really know?" But in some ways, it would be honest! The point is, that just as "I'm fine thank you" isn't the real answer to the question "How are you?", so "I'm Giovanni Francesco from Milano," isn't the real answer to the question "Who am I?"

So, what's in a name?

You're probably wondering how on earth I ended up with this name "Krishna Prem" and probably also wondering what it means! Well, it happened when I went to India and was sitting in front of Osho, for the very first time. So there I was, at the feet of this living master, as dead as a door nail, when I suddenly heard him say, "Would you like to take sannyas now?" Taking sannyas simply means being initiated into meditation. "Yes!" I replied and the next thing I heard him say was "..and your new name will be Krishna Prem, which means ecstasy and love!" "Oh, my god" I thought, "I can't believe he's given me a name like Krishna!" What can I say? It's really funny how quickly a moment can turn from bliss to shit. So in the same instant as I was beginning to fall in love with my master, I was also beginning to hate my new name! "Krishna Prem, Krishna Prem!", I tried it on a few times, but it was simply horrible, and I vowed never to repeat this name to anyone ever again! It took me years to grow into my name, to like my name and really understand it, that "Krishna" means one who attracts the divine, while "Prem" simply means love. God, my name was such a big deal at the time, probably because I thought it said something about who I was. But now it doesn't matter if you call me Michael Mogul, Krishna Prem or just plain "KP", like the nuts, because it's ultimately not me!

So, what's in a name? Are you really John, Jim or Jane? Are you the same as all the other Johns, Jims and Janes you know? What happens if you change your name, does your personality suddenly change also? What about all those cutting nick-names you received at school? Were you really "Fatso" or "Dummy" or "Shitface"? Maybe Mr. P. Nut and his wife Hazel are really a sane couple? Maybe Dick Head is a really bright guy? Perhaps Ms. A. Tit is a really switched on gal! What's in a name? Nothing!

If a master asks "Who are you?" and you tell him your name is James, he will just laugh! He will laugh because he is not referring to your body, or your mind, or the label your parents gave you. He will laugh because he is asking "Who were you before your parents made love?", "Who will you be after you no longer have a body?" and "Who is the you who is never born and never dies?" He will laugh because you have failed to investigate your true identity, what is called in the East, your "original face".

No, our name is not us. It's simply a convenient label, we use to avoid going round saying "hey you!" all the time! It's simply a useful way of identifying a particular body and mind, and it's ever so handy in the world of admin! No, we're no more our name than we are our passport number, our social security number or our PIN (pain-in-the-neck) code!

Do be do be do be dooo!

It's funny, but when you ask someone who they are, maybe after they've told you their name, they tell you what they do for a living. They might say "I'm a taxi driver" or "a tax officer", or even "a taxidermist"! Hmmm, I feel a joke coming on…

A guy is in the checkout line at a local super market, when he notices that the rather foxy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is rather surprised that such a 'looker' would be waving to him, and although she looks familiar, he can't quite place where he knows her from, so he asks her, "Sorry, do you know me?"
She replies "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children."
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he had been unfaithful.

"My God," he says, "Are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I bonked on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my butt?"
"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English teacher."

See, there we go again! The blond thinks she's the guy's son's English teacher and the guy thinks she's a stripper! Most of us spend so much time working, that we think our job, our profession, our latest promotion or demotion is who we are. Adults pass this idea of "we are what we do" onto us as kids, so as kids we then begin to think we are our good or bad school reports, our shiny trophies sitting on the mantelpiece or our confiscated toys! We learn to feel good about our achievements and bad about our failures, great about our wins and shit about our losses!

If we're not identified with our job, then we might be identified with our actions or behaviors, or even our habits or addictions? But, just because we drink, smoke or sniff glue, doesn't mean that's who we are. People say "you are what you eat!" but that doesn't make us a cheese burger or a hot dog now, does it? Just because we shout "fucking asshole" at the truck driver that nearly took our toes off, doesn't mean we're crass, or angry or bad. Just because we mind our "p's and q's" doesn't mean we're the most cultured person on the planet. Alternatively, maybe we think we're our kind or unkind acts, the dog we saved, the cat we ran over, the money we donated to charity or the bathrobe we stole from the hotel.

Jake was on his deathbed. His wife, Susan, was keeping vigil by his side. As she held his fragile hand, tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.

"My darling Susan," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said.
"Rest! Shhh! Don't talk!" he was insistent.
"Susan," he said in his tired voice, "I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Susan, "Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your sister, your best friend and your mother."
"I know," she replied, "That's why I poisoned you."

Now, I'm not saying that what we do and say, doesn't have consequences or effects in this world! For sure, what we do and say shapes what we manifest in life. For sure, we are responsible for our behaviors and actions, only are they who we are? There's so much emphasis in our society on doing, doing, doing, but when are we going to cut down on the doing and enjoy a little more being? When are we going to stop being only a "human doing" and start being a "human being" as well?

Who does what?

Many athletes talk about getting in the "zone". What they're referring to is doing an activity until they realize that they are no longer doing it, and it is happening by itself. Many marathon runners have reported that somehow after running and running for miles, they then get into a zone where they literally just sit back, relax and watch the running happening. It happened to me one time, after running 8 miles. All of a sudden, I found my body was running while mysteriously, I or some part of me, was sitting back on my own shoulder, simply watching it all happen! Great, effortless effort!

Meditators experience the same thing; they get into a space where they start to see themselves doing things, yet feel they are not doing it. They are even watching themselves meditating. So, if we are somehow able to sit back and watch what the body is doing, then who are we and who is doing the doing? In spiritual circles, people boldly say, "You are not the doer!" but if you are not the doer, then who is? If you are not making it happen, then who is?

It's a very tricky question to answer, and later we'll delve into this topic in more detail. But for now, let's just say, do be do be do be dooo! It's not about doing OR being, it's about doing AND being both at the same time! In the small picture, our little local life, we're doing, while in the big picture you're just being! Life is not only about enjoying what you do, it's about enjoying who you're being too! Period!

Are you your Ferrari?

Another interesting idea we have, is that our things, possessions or assets somehow reflect who we are. In short, we are what we own! What we have helps either improve or discredit our image. So, in order to be someone important, impressive and special, we not only need lots of things but preferably expensive ones! You guys will probably need a lush bank account, a property portfolio and either a Mercedes or a Rolls Royce, while you gals will probably need a humungous diamond ring, wardrobes of designer clothes and a Gucci watch, or two! Then you're all set to party down, hit the town and strut your stuff! And I'm no different than you! I always thought I needed a flash car to impress the chicks, and I needed a flash car and a flash chick to impress the guys, although, god knows, why I thought I needed to impress the guys?

So there you are guys…you jump into your first Ferrari, you pay cash, and you are sitting in the driver's seat revving up the engine! All of the sudden, right then, right there in the show room, you feel for just a moment, that there is nothing else you could possibly want in the world. You close your eyes and you think "I am home! I have finally made it! Everything is now perfect!" Then, you open your eyes as the salesmen taps on the glass. Then, you open your window and when he says your check has cleared, you drive your spanking new car out of the show room! But then, only 2 seconds later, you see a juicy, young blonde walking down the street, and almost immediately, you think to yourself, "now, if that blonde would just jump into this car next to me right now… I would have everything I want!"

And there it is! For one moment, you have everything you want, you are home, you have made it, you are it, and the next you don't! It's like having an orgasm; for one second you are completely satisfied, your mind is silent, your body is relieved of tension and you are just lying there perfectly content. Then, in the next moment you are wanting to have sex again! Yes, for one glorious moment, in between one desire being fulfilled and another desire being launched, there is no desire at all. Then almost immediately, the mind jumps in again and says "I could have more!", "I could be even greater!" "Life could be even better!"

And that's the way it goes, nothing wrong with it, that's what the mind does. It thinks there's more, it convinces you there's more, and that even though you're doing OK, you're still not really complete. It desires more and more. That's the way it jabbers on, "…as long as you have more things… as long as you do what I want, you're going to be a great success!" So we spend all day long, trading in our Mercedes Benz for a Rolls Royce in our heads, and believing we are that Mercedes Benz or that Rolls Royce! We spend our whole lives striving for bigger or better or faster things, constantly trying to upgrade who we are, when in reality we are just chasing our own tail!

But, wait a minute! Are you what you have or own? Are you your California got-rocks mansion or your one-bed condo in Cheezeville? Are you your skateboard or your Lamborghini? Are you your Wal-mart discount card or your platinum American Express? Is this what you add up to? Now I'm not saying, don't have a nice life, don't have nice things, just throw them all away, renounce the world and pick up your begging bowl! No, enjoy them, in fact buy more, but just don't get caught up in thinking they're U or you need them to really be someone! Waking up to the true U, doesn't mean you shouldn't have that Ferrari, it means you know it's just a car!

What about my silicone cleavage?

Ah! Now we get to the body! Let's face it, we're probably all pretty identified with our body. It's tricky not to think of ourselves as this huge lump of flesh and bone we carry around. I mean, who doesn't think of themselves in terms of their height or weight? Who doesn't notice if they are a small, medium or large, or extra large? Who doesn't compare the color of their skin, hair and eyes, the size of their nose, ears and lips? What guy doesn't want huge pecks and a matching dick, what girl doesn't want slinky curves, pouty lips and perky tits? All the glossy magazines endorse the idea that we are our body, our style and our self-image! So we rush out and buy all the latest fashions, hair gels and lipsticks and tart ourselves up, because we think that's who we are. We're the tag on our jeans, the name on our watch! We're our silicone cleavage, our collagen lips and our bleached smile! Cosmopolitan says so! But just because everyone else thinks something is true, doesn't mean it's necessarily so!

On a small iceberg, somewhere near the North Pole, a little bear goes up to his mother and asks, "Mom, what kind of bear am I?"

"You're a polar bear, son," replies his mother.
"Are you sure I'm not a brown bear?" he asks.
"Quite sure, son," she replies; "you're a polar bear."
But the little bear is not satisfied; "Mom," he says, "maybe I'm a grizzly bear?"
The mother then asks him "Why are you asking these questions, son? You're a polar bear."
So the little bear goes over to his father, "Pop," he says, "Am I a panda bear?"
"No, son," says the father; "You're a polar bear."
"Not a koala bear?" asks the baby bear.
"No, a polar bear," says his father; "But, why are you asking all these questions?"
"Well," replied the baby bear, "if I'm a polar bear, then why am I so fucking cold?"

Maybe the little bear isn't a "polar bear" and maybe he isn't the stupid one here? Only because he repeatedly keeps being told he is a polar bear, does he come to believe this is so. It's the same with us. Because everyone around us keeps telling us that we are this body, so over time we begin to stop questioning if it's true and begin to start believing it is so. And on top of thinking we're our body's vital statistics and looks, we're also thinking we're our body's age! "How old are you?" we gaily ask each other. "Oh, "I'm 20" or "I'm 30!" or "I'm 40 something!" comes the reply! When really, it might be more accurate to ask "How old is your body?" and to answer, "Oh, 21 again!"

Straight, bi or gay?

Our identification with our body isn't just confined to how old it is and the way it looks! No, the story doesn't end there! There's our gender also! I mean, we must be either male or female, a man or a woman, a guy or a gal.

Why do men have hair on their chests? Well, they can't have everything!

Then on top of that, no pun intended, is our sexual orientation. Are we straight, bi or gay? I feel another joke coming on!

"An old cowboy went into a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"
"Well", he replied, "I've spent my whole life on a ranch, herding horses, mending fences and branding cattle, so I guess I am."
"I'm a lesbian", the young lady replied, "I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. All day I think about women. Whatever I do, I think about women. When I take a shower, when I watch TV….everything seems to make me think of
women."

A little later, a couple of tourists came into the bar, sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" to which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Of course, we could then wander into the realms of sexual activity, and contemplate whether we are a total slut, frigid as the North pole or somewhere between the two! Whether we are our lacy bras, our PVC pants or our leopard-skin g-strings? Or maybe… let's not go down that avenue!

But look again, are you your body gender and your sexual orientation? Are you a "total man" with not an ounce of estrogen in your body? Are you "all woman" with not a molecule of testosterone in your body? Are you absolutely straight? Are you absolutely gay? Are you absolutely sure? Where is the dividing line? No really, where do U begin and end? With the borders of your skin?

I am not the body?

Wow! How easy it is to think "I am the body!" Why is this so? I think for those of us who grow up in the West, it's because there's so much emphasis on the physical and the material in our lives. Naturally, we think we are this body and that life lasts only as long as the body lives. While in the East, they think "I am not the body" and more often than not, say I am the soul that resides within it, or something else beyond.

It's interesting, that many people have experienced the phenomenon of leaving their body, or standing outside their body, which seems to suggest that they are not the body. Others meanwhile, have experienced doing things but feeling like they're not really doing it, not that someone else is, but that another part of them is running the show! So, if we are able to go beyond the body and watch what it is doing, then who are we?

It's easy to say the words "I am not the body", but really how many people don't get upset when you tell them they've put on weight or they're going bald, or don't perk up delightedly when you tell them they've lost weight or look gorgeously sexy today? Hmm, not that many! I can say "I am not my body" but if you punch me in the nose, I'm probably going to feel like I am my nose for a while, at least until the sensation wears off. It's so easy to get identified with this body, to either be pissed off with it when it's suffering pain, or happy with it when it's experiencing pleasure. But just because my body feels things, does that mean it's who I am?

See this is where both Western and Eastern thinking falls short. "I am the body" implies because my body is here, I exist. "I am not the body" implies that my body is here, because I exist. Both East and West have a piece of the puzzle but neither has the whole picture! Just because we experience having a body, doesn't mean we are limited only to this body! And just because we exist beyond the body, doesn't mean we are not this body also. In my opinion, it would be more accurate to say, "Gee, I'm the body!" AND "Gee, I'm beyond!"